About Me

For the love of Grace

I'm Theresa @gracefullnailpolish on Instagram and the face behind Grace-full Nail Polish. I thought I would add a little to explain my motivation behind the Wave of Polish, to explain the why me, why SANDS, why such a passion to raise awareness?

Photo taken just hours before Grace was born, we didn't know then that anything was wrong.

I gave birth to my second child Grace at 30 weeks. We only had her in our lives for 32 and 1/2 precious hours. It is a parents worst nightmare, it was harder than I ever thought possible in the beginning and I still miss her everyday. SANDS were there for me when it felt no one else could understand, they provided support and encouragement and I don't know that I would be where I am today without SANDS support. So to me it is a privilege to raise funds to ensure other parents receive the same support I did when the your worst nightmare becomes a reality.

That explains all the why's, below is Grace's story if you would like to continue to read.

Grace died from a Pulmonary hemorrhage, more common in premature IUGR babies but still fairly rare. She was born early due to an Antiphospholipid Antibody I have.

After many months of trying to fall pregnant after a miscarriage we were thrilled to learn we were expecting a new baby. This baby was due 22nd February one day after Granddad's sixtieth birthday. The whole family was excited to be getting a new arrival.
At about 7 weeks I became very sick and was admitted to hospital 4 times for dehydration caused by severe morning sickness. At about 20 weeks the sickness left and I started to really enjoy being pregnant. The next 10 weeks went by uneventfully. 
At 30 weeks I felt the baby had hardly moved that day and I was worried, my family kept telling me that I was over reacting and that it meant she was a girl because boy's move more than girl's, I think my mothering instinct was telling me something was wrong because I insisted in going to hospital. When we got there Grace's heartbeat showed her to be in severe stress, so arrangements were made to transfer me to a larger hospital, (three hours from our home). We were airlifted and on arrival they did the scan and knew if she was to have a chance she needed to be born now. They told us at the scan that something was very wrong with the baby and had been for awhile, they doubted that the baby would live through delivery. When Grace was born she gave a cry and that is the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
Grace surprised everyone and was showing excellent stats, so she didn't require ventilation or anything. She was very small weighing in at 1 pound 13 and a half ounces. Neonatologists continued to reassure us that she was going really well, her stats stayed great for the first 30 hours and my family, son, husband and myself all spent time with her.Then on my first visit the next morning we were told that she'd been naughty and her stats were dropping. The head of neonatology came to see her and still encouraged us with comments that she's a girl and premature girl's are stronger than premature boys. He told us she'd make it.

I went back to my room to wait on a test result for her, when not long after I'd been back the doctor burst in the door. You just know what they are going to say, don't you? She had started to bleed from her lungs. We raced to N.I.C.U and I was praying that she still be with us when we arrived, she was. The next part of her story is hard to tell as it is an unimagined horror to watch your child struggle and die. The mother in you wants to hit or punch every one away from them, but the other part knows that you have to let them do all they can. Unfortunately most babies don't survive pulmonary haemorrhage, so 32 and a half hours after she was born she went to sleep in my arms. It is so unfair, all those dreams and hopes. 
Birth and death should NEVER go hand in hand. Life since then is not the same, in some ways it has changed for the better, we have learnt to appreciate every moment in life, and the people we love. In other ways I forever miss the extra little person who should be with me. I know many times during my grief journey I thought I would never make it without my little girl, I am still standing and am very proud of that fact alone.

On the airplane I had decided that if she made it I would name her Grace, because I thought it would be by God's grace if she made it, I really felt that he hadn't kept his part of the deal and that that had made her name a bitter irony in the early days. I can now say it was by God's grace that I got to hold her and have her in my life even if it was not as long as I'd like. I am so fortunate to have heard her cry and to see her kick her legs and stick her tongue out at us. I miss her every minute of every day and I can't wait for that day when we meet in again. Until then I will picture her sliding on moonbeams and playing with the stars . My forever baby

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