I Wonder.... - Grace-full Nail Polish

I ended up with one more Wave of Polish polish from Grace-full (me) - I had the urge to write, I don't want sympathy just to continue to raise awareness of how life is for bereaved parents. Of course I then needed a polish to match, I think a hot pink represents the whole life cycle of a girl. There are 8 bottles of this one named I Wonder....

I Wonder…

I wonder if you know 

That not only were we looking forward to having Grace in our lives but so were her brother, her grandparents, her great grandparent, her aunts and uncles and especially all her cousins.

I wonder if you know

That we'd decorated a nursery with excitement and filled it with love, dreams and possibilities of what was to come.

I wonder if you know

That we planned life around our new baby. That the house we lived in was chosen as it was perfect for our two children. That our car was made ready for two children and that the school we chose for Zac was because we could walk with our baby and not worry about her waking.

I wonder if you know

That we were preparing Zac to be a big brother. That we'd bought Christmas presents for our baby so he would learn the baby would get gifts too. That we'd spent weekend mornings in our bed explaining to him that soon there'd be four in our bed not just three.

I wonder if you know

That we were already looking forward to our baby's future. That we wanted to see those first steps, that first birthday and everyone after. That we'd thought about her first day of school, her big birthdays and one day her wedding.

I wonder if you know

When you say 'she was just a baby', 'we could have another', 'at least you have Zac' and now 'hasn't it been long enough?' that we didn't just lose a baby we lost a whole life we'd planned. A whole person whose baby years, toddler years, school years, teen years and adulthood we were so looking forward to.

I hope one day you will know

We lost so much more than you could ever believe possible, so please know we didn't 'just lose a baby', she could never have been replaced and as wonderful as Zac is, he is his own special unique person who is not a consolation prize for his sister. I hope you know we didn't just lose the newborn stage, we lost the past, the present and our future and a human being full of possibilities whom we already loved more than life.